Current mood:	cold
Current music:	None

I am.... alone.
I am Not, contrary to popular belief, having sex or even visiting with Shaun since he works a lot. He is coming for Christmas dinner and that makes me kind of excited. My holiday spirit is pretty low for abovious reasons though it is climbing slowly but surely.

Christine has moved back in to her parent's house because it doesn't "feel like Christmas otherwise" and for other equally lame reasons. She blames her grandmother for her father turning into an alcoholic, try blaming Viet-frickin-nam. The man was a medic for god's sake, he had people dying in his face for how long? Granted alcohol is not the best way to deal with Post Traumatic Stress but in the days before post-war counseling was mandatory it's pretty damn common. Her grandmother had to deal with an alcoholic husband too and it was probably no cakewalk for her. It also is not her fault she got sick and needs to be cared for. It is her other son's fault for being a putz who won't help out his brother. Anyway because of her grandmother/Christmas/ need to be an adult thing she wants to get a full-time job and move out by the end of January. Stine says this place makes her feel like she is stagnating or something. Hmm try getting out of bed before late afternoon and maybe you will feel less stagnant. She blames so much on external forces when she really needs to look internally for a solution. It's nice to want to be home for Christmas and I myself am planning on spending Christmas eve sleeping in my old bed at home but what is she going to do when she is married. "Sorry honey I have to move home for 2 weeks because it doesn't feel like Christmas otherwise." It is not a good idea to be afraid of change. FYI New and Change go hand in hand.

Boy that was a little angry. I guess I feel sort of abandoned. That's great she needs to move out but she could have discussed it with me before hand, I am her best friend after all. I mean this Christmas promises to be weird in a not good way and it would be nice not to feel totally pushed aside in favor of a "perfect family Christmas". It's nice that her family is in tact for the holidays. Emily was the most excited about Christmas and the holidays have lost most of their luster without her and I am stuck in an empty house not wanting to go home to a house empty of her. I wish my house felt as much like a home as it used to but it's haunted by my sister's absence and not a 100% comfortable place for me. It probably never will be. **sigh** I can't wait till we get the settlement and all the legal crap will be over. I pray that it's soon so we can finally really begin to move on. Not dreading a call from the lawyer or an interest charge from the funeral home would be nice. Maybe it will happen before the one-year anniversary then we can go away for that week. It gets so draining trying to be strong when my heart is just as broken as my mother's. Maybe even more so, my parents and grandparents all have another daughter/grandchild I don't have another sister.